Month: April 2020

While I have posted this a very long time ago, I think it bears repeating because whether or not we admit it, being forced to stay within four walls and being forced to not be able to visit physically with family or friends can take its toll upon our psyches, and we can get depressed. But we can remind ourselves as to why we cannot allow that to be true. So here is the famous 13 ways to NOT allow it. If any letters in RED, those are my additions, NOT published with this article by Ms. Morin.

13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do

Avoid the pitfalls that will hold you back from reaching your full potential

Published on January 12, 2015 by Amy Morin in

 What Mentally Strong People Don’t Do

            We often hear advice like, “Think positive, and good things will happen,” or “Try your hardest, and eventually things will work out.” While such words of wisdom certainly have merit, these well-meaning suggestions won’t help you reach your goals if you’re simultaneously engaging in unhealthy behavior. Recognizing and replacing the unhealthy thoughts, behaviors, and feelings that may be sabotaging your best efforts is the key to building mental strength.

            Try comparing mental strength to physical strength. While a bodybuilder maintains his physique with good habits, like going to the gym, it’s equally important for that bodybuilder to get rid of unhealthy habits, like eating junk food. An exercise regimen won’t be effective in building lean muscle unless unhealthy eating habits are also eliminated. 

it is imperative that you exchange the bad habits for the good, otherwise you will surely go back to the bad habits.

            Similarly, building mental muscle requires hard work, dedication and exercise. In addition to adopting healthy habits, avoiding detrimental habits—like negative thoughts, unproductive behavior, and self-destructive emotions—is also essential.

            Whether you’re working on becoming a more patient parent or you’re striving to become an elite athlete, (or you are stuck in the house with this Coronavirus edict) building mental strength will help you reach your goals. Learn to identify the common pitfalls that you’re prone to and practice exercises that will help you become your best self. 

Here are the 13 things mentally strong people don’t do:

1. They Don’t: Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves

Many of life’s problems and sorrows are inevitable, but feeling sorry for yourself is a choice. Whether you’re struggling to pay your bills or you’re dealing with unexplained health problems, indulging in self-pity won’t fix your problems. If you’re prone to feeling sorry for yourself when the going gets rough, train your brain to exchange self-pity for gratitude. Mentally strong people don’t waste their time and energy thinking about the problem, instead they focus on creating a solution.

I suggest whenever you begin looking at the negative, sit down and ADD TO your made list of things you are grateful for. 

2. They Don’t: Give Away Their Power

It can be very tempting to blame other people for our problems and circumstances. Thinking things like, “My mother-in-law makes me feel bad about myself,” gives others power over us. Take back your power by accepting full responsibility for how you think, feel, and behave. Empowering yourself is an essential component to building mental strength and creating the kind of life you want to live.

This does not mean to break the law about staying in until we are told we are free to roam, but stop blaming the government, China, Trump, etc., and just take responsibility for your mental health AT HOME.

3. They Don’t: Shy Away From Change

Although we feel safest when we stay within our comfort zones, avoiding new challenges serves as the biggest obstacle to living a full and rich life. Learning to recognize when you avoid change because of the discomfort involved in doing something new could be the first step in a long journey toward improving your life. The more you practice tolerating the uncomfortable feelings associated with change—whether it involves taking on a new job or leaving an unhealthy relationship, or living under new circumstances about home life, work, food and  pandemics—the more confident you’ll become in your ability to create your future.

4. They Don’t: Waste Energy on Things They Can’t Control

So often, we worry about all the wrong things. Rather than focus on preparing for the storm, we waste energy wishing the storm wouldn’t come. If we invested that same energy into the things we do have control over, we’d be much better prepared for whatever life throws our way. Pay attention to the times when you’re tempted to worry about something you can’t control—like the choices other people make or how your competitor behaves—and devote that energy into something more productive.

We are already in this Coronavirus pandemic; think of ways to minimize discomfort and plan for future ways to be more responsible for you and your family’s safety measures.

5. They Don’t: Worry About Pleasing Others

A lot of people say, “I don’t care what other people think,” but often that’s a defense mechanism meant to shield them from the hurt and pain associated with rejection. People-pleasers come in all forms. Sometimes you can spot one a mile away and at other times, their fear of angering others is deeply rooted. Doing and saying things that may not be met with favor takes courage, but living a truly authentic life requires you to live according to your values, even when your choices aren’t popular.

Here is where you must assess your moral and ethical values. They may not be trendy or go along with the masses, but if they are wholesome and make you stand straight, keep them healthy.

 

6. They Don’t: Fear Taking Calculated Risks

We make dozens—if not hundreds—of choices every day with very little consideration of the risks we’re taking. Whether we choose to wear a helmet on a bike ride, or we decide to take out a loan, we often base our choices on our emotions, not the true level of risk. Making decisions based on your level of fear isn’t an accurate way to calculate risk. Emotions are often irrational and unreliable. You don’t get to be extraordinary without taking risks, and learning how to accurately calculate risk will ensure you’re making the best choices.

I listened to Warren Buffet yesterday. They were old videos, but the point was well taken that everything he did in his life, he first took careful thought and planning. Sit down and write out (before you act) how the outcome will benefit, or not, and write out all the options and alternatives. THEN, make your move.

7. They Don’t: Dwell on the Past

While reflecting on the past and learning from it is a helpful part of building mental strength, ruminating can be harmful. Making peace with the past so you can live for the present and plan for the future can be hard, especially if you’ve endured a lot of misfortune, but it’s a necessary step in becoming your best self.

This is my hardest bad habit. I’ve lost a lot in the past: people, pets, physical possessions; I have to forgive myself or them or just say good-bye for now, send a spiritual kiss and move on. You do, too.

8. They Don’t: Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over

It’d be nice to learn enough from each mistake that we’d be guaranteed to never repeat that same mistake twice. But the reality is that we’re prone to repeat the same mistakes sometimes. Learning from your mistakes requires humility and a willingness to look for new strategies to become better. Mentally strong people don’t hide their mistakes or make excuses for them. Instead they turn their mistakes into opportunities for self-growth.

I’m guilty of this, too. I don’t get mad at myself though; I think about Moses and the children of Israel in the wilderness… they circled the same area many times over until they learned their lesson. Let’s learn our lesson and find new strategies to improve.

9. They Don’t: Resent Other People’s Success

Watching a co-worker receive a promotion or hearing a friend talk about her achievements can stir up feelings of envy. But resenting other people’s success will only interfere with your ability to reach your goals. When you’re secure in your own definition of success, you’ll stop envying other people for obtaining their goals and you’ll be committed to reaching your dreams.

Amen!

10. They Don’t: Give Up After Failure

It’s normal to feel embarrassed, discouraged, and downright defeated when your first attempts don’t work. From a young age, we’re often taught that failure is bad, but it’s nearly impossible to succeed if you never fail. Mentally strong people view failure as proof that they’re pushing themselves to the limits in their efforts to reach their full potential.

11. They Don’t: Fear Alone Time

In today’s fast paced world, obtaining a little quiet time often takes a concerted effort. Many people avoid silence and solitude because lack of activity feels uncomfortable. But time to yourself is an essential component to building mental strength. Mentally strong people create opportunities to be alone with [your] thoughts, reflect on [your] progress, and create goals for the future.

This Coronavirus pandemic should not be looked at as a curse, but turn it into a blessing. You have a lot of time to think over how you’ve lived physically and spiritually. It’s time to improve your existence. Don’t just survive but thrive, and I’m not talking about possessions here; I’m talking about your inner core, your spirit, your emotional and mental strength. Strengthen there and the rest will follow. This means get rid of negative habits and work on positive change.

12. They Don’t: Feel the World Owes Them Anything

It’s easy to get caught up in feeling a sense of entitlement. But waiting for the world—or the people in it—to give you what you think you’re owed isn’t a helpful life strategy. If you’re busy trying to take what you think you deserve, you won’t have any time to focus on all that you have to give. And everyone has gifts that can be shared, regardless of whether they’ve gotten a “fair deal” in life.

I think of David Goggins here. Look him up.

13. They Don’t: Expect Immediate Results

Wouldn’t it be nice if everything in life could happen at the touch of a button? We often grow so accustomed to our “no lines, no waiting” world, that our brains begin to believe that everything should happen instantaneously. But self-growth develops at more of a snail’s pace, rather than at lightning speed. Whether you’re trying to lose weight or develop a more gracious attitude, slow and steady wins the race and expecting immediate results will only lead to disappointment. Mentally strong people know that true change takes time and they’re willing to work hard to see results.

And right now, all we have is time.

The good news is, everyone has the ability to build mental strength. But to do so, you need to develop self-awareness about [your own] self-destructive thoughts, behaviors, and feelings that prevent you from reaching your full potential. Once you recognize areas that need work, committing to mental strength exercises will help you create healthier habits and build mental muscle.

I started by purchasing audiobooks about changing my ways, and then I listen to them while walking.

Morin, Amy. 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do. New York: NY

Work on these 13 areas now, while you have the time. Change your thinking and you’ll change your life. I heard on the news that there will be a shortage of meat. Maybe it’s time to become a vegetarian or cut back on meats, perhaps. Maybe you can learn how to cook without meat, there are plenty of recipes for wholesome vegetarian meals. Create your own recipe booklet. That’s better and a positive action, rather than hoarding, which is a negative reaction.

Lydia Nolan, Editor

“Damn the Torpedoes! Full Speed Ahead!” ~Admiral David Glasgow Farragut (Aug.5, 1864)

            Admiral Farragut was warned that there were dangerous waters he was entering. He was aware of the dangers but decided if he were to make a difference in the Union’s favor, he had to stave off the fear of death or wounding and courageously proceed “full speed ahead” to the destination in which he would be victorious. This speaks of our dilemma with this virus pandemic we are faced with at the present moment of our history.

            We have been listening to the panic of the media regarding this Coronavirus since the beginning of March, perhaps the end of February. News crept into our homes like a snake. Then when faced, it struck with a daunting blow, especially poisoning the masses with the frightening allusions of other viruses, comparing it to those such as the Spanish Flu, Eboli, and the Black Plague. We were under attack, and we were all going to go into a pandemic that began in China and killed thousands of people. It was heading our way and there was nothing we could do but brace for the inevitable disease and death rate. It followed that we would all have to be sequestered to our homes, isolated from each other, and left to stir like wild chickens in cages, waiting for doom to hit each and every one of us.

            Oddly, it came right after the liberals’ attempt (and defeat) of the impeachment of Donald Trump, and right before the re-election of President Trump, that which seemed to be sure—until this.

            I have read many interesting perspectives on war. There are plays in football emanating war movements and strategies. Politics in single corporate offices vaguely or explicitly reveal such plays of warfare as well. So how is it, that those political civil warriors in the senate and our government think that the people of this country are so stupid as to believe this just happened upon us coincidentally, so serendipitously that the media is disseminating for another recorded go-around, the fault once again on the man the liberals hate vehemently: Donald Trump.

            Do not misquote my intention here. I don’t mean to say there is no virus at all.  What I do mean to say is that it seems uncanny in a strategic kind of mode, to have been spread upon the masses with impunity and without regard to human lives, this virus we blame upon another country—whose spill of it may be true and without defense—but, which smacks of timing planned, and all for an agenda that seems to me to be rather evil and macabre. I am wondering how to deal with the idea that there are those who have such little regard for human life that they would pour upon us such damnation just to take one man out that stands in the way of their agenda.

            I am saying that it is amazing how the entire country is obedient, as the repeat of Nazi Germany history, to fall in line with such instructions of isolation and punishment if found disregarding these boundaries, that was fused into the masses by media, which is owned by those very liberals of whom I am speaking.

            Why am I even bringing this to the forefront. I am not only concerned about this very moment in history, but I am concerned about the general climate. I am concerned about the media and its position in line with those who would be bold enough to administer landmines per se, onto the ignorant public; the public, as we know ourselves to be, is innocent as frogs in the boiling water. We don’t recognize our impending doom because it came ever so slowly, and is being raised very slowly; not just for this particular pandemic, but for future control of all the peoples in our country, and in the world.

            I am not only concerned but disturbed greatly that we have such heinous warfare upon innocent people, but then, wasn’t it always that way? Did we do anything about the children being blown up with their parents whenever there were wars being fought between and among nations? As long as it was not near us we did indeed bury our heads in the sand. If anything positive comes out of all of this it would be in hopes of our realizing how much more we need to value human life, and steer away from wars, but that does not mean we should play games with lives in that there are still those evil political players that will wreak havoc inside their own states just to propose power where they will. We must figure out a way to instill goodness and love, not war. Yes, I sound cliché, but I don’t care. I have always been a conscientious observer, and I have always hated war for the ugliness it brings about upon the innocent.

            At this time I believe, however, that it is a moment in history that those who have the ability to do so, must stand and do more than obey. We are losing our economy over fear and dread. Deaths are being reported as only this pandemic is to blame. In reality, there have been deaths of the elderly rising anyway, and that happen every single day and will progress every single day, since the Baby Boom generation has more elderly than others, and is coming of age to pass on from our lives. It has been reported that nearly any and all deaths are being reported by the media as Covin-19, when in reality they do not even know this for sure, due to the mandates given to doctors and health workers to report Covid-19 even before tests are returned. Yes, I must admit I have heard another media outlet than the one which is largely owned as I have earlier informed. Still, we are in the dark as to whom we should believe—meantime, we are all stymied and hiding ourselves from keeping our economy working. America is on its last breath if we continue this route.

            Write to our congressmen, senators, president even. Let them know we are not as ignorant as they believe and we want a better plan as to how to return to work and life as we knew it, but with better precautions. Think of all the contradictions that is spread upon us: we are not to breath outside without a mask, and keep our distance from anyone because the virus is airborne, yet we should get fresh air. We are not to go out to restaurants, stores, entertainment venues, but we are still allowed to walk our dogs (for now) and children may play outside. There are more, but those are the most pressing in my mind.

            I tell you, there is something going on greater than we can see. And won’t you notice all the warmongers in our society that jump to the wagon of blame onto President Trump. All they know is to find BLAME, blame, blame somewhere other than themselves.

            Yet, we cannot in ourselves put our finger on who we should be addressing. Much like the online menaces that propound upon anyone who tries to bring hope, they are quick to find some kind of blame and hatred upon anyone, so that they can stay in their miserable mood of despair. One thing we can do: “damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead.” Like Admiral Farragut, let’s move toward victory. Let’s go back to work, even if we have to wear masks and gloves, and continue life as we knew it, only with better calculations of our waste. Let’s learn to be more frugal and independent on our resources—as a country and as individuals. That is how we win this war. We need society and interaction, and we need to be among others without suspicious fears of them.

            I remind you, I have a right to an opinion as well and this entire blog is my own opinion. Be respectful if you post your own. Resources are mined from many places, to gain an opinion upon. They can be obtained by anyone’s efforts to research various newscasts, public and private.

Well, this is a “writing site,” and I had originally planned to give “writing lessons,” after all I am a teacher, and I have the education of a Master’s degree after my Bachelor’s degree of English and Education.

But now this: the Corona-virus…

I wish that were only a beer, but now we must contend with a possible catastrophic event. At least, currently, it is a pandemic, and I am in California, and all I hear is: “we haven’t touched the peak yet. Maybe a month or so more…” Nothing is clear, and there are so many “announcers” coming from every which way…

Needless to say, it is a difficult task to keep one’s mind on their skills, their talents, or their leisure, since most people are fighting for the shortest line at the grocer’s or walking circumspect, trying hard to keep from others in stores (a distance of six feet), and crossing streets just to walk their dogs. It’s a nightmare to some extent, but who best to keep it under control but each person.

This is the last time I’m talking about this. Before it came about I was so grateful each morning when I awoke. I have fibromyalgia and I noticed it’s getting a bit worse. But when this horror began it got a LOT worse, which tells me it has a lot to do with stress. The Ibuprophen I used to take only sparingly I now have to take just a little more.

My husband is still working, so every time he gets home we look at each other from afar and say, “hi.”

But it isn’t all that bad I assure you. Life was never meant to be forever on earth. I happen to believe in a “forever” outside of earth when I die, but on earth is not an eternal place.

Everyone knows we all have to die sometime. No one ever knows when. There could be an accident, various maladies, heart attack and so on. Whether one is young or old, car accidents happen, people I know, or someone else knows, have gotten killed crossing the street, or falling off a second apartment complex patio for adjusting their bird feeder, or slipping onto their patio pool and striking their head on the pavement…fatally…

We all have to get a hold of ourselves, relax folks, we can do nothing about this pandemic of Coronavirus but take precautions: wear a mask when you go into crowds, and gloves whenever you are touching everything outside of your safe space before you get home. Wash your hands often. Keep yourself clean and your home as clean as you can, and then, relax.

If your’re still working God bless you! If not, turn off the bill collector’s calls and breathe. Apply for unemployment if you must, then sit back and just wait.

Read those books you’ve been wanting to read for a long time. Watch your favorite shows and those shows that teach you how to sew or do some research online about travel spots for “someday.” Learn a new language, there are apps for that; there are apps for EVERYTHING now. Figure out how to clean those danged blinds you’ve been meaning to for a long time. Be creative and draw again, or edit or write, or do some crafts with  your kids, and even color (I love to color. I don’t have kids but I still have coloring books and crayons)

Try new recipes, learn the intricacies of Dictionary research (there ARE intricacies in research I promise you.) Write letters just for fun to people you love. Practice Script writing, practice webpage developing, do SOMETHING other than stressing about our situation and worrying over addictive habits like “gotta get out, gotta go to that concert, club, membership; gotta go shopping for clothes,” etc., and so forth.

If life becomes over, it’s over, let it be. If it gets better, it gets better, let it be. Just have faith it’s a GOOD MORNING, put on your faith and smile. It’s up to YOU to believe it IS a good morning, and adjust your attitude to be creative in your own space inside until this danged thing blows over.

As I said on the last post, I will be returning to regular programming (facebook). Don’t forget to check out the other programming ( ibcafe.net ), which is my “review webpage,”  and on that website please feel free to post reviews of your own. If you have any trouble posting please let me know so I can take care of it.

And remember, post your comments here as well, I’d like to hear from you folks. Thanks for stopping by.

We are slammed with a new virus called “Coronavirus.” We in free America are quarantined, just like all the other countries in the world; it is affecting all of us in the world equally, well, considering stats of course.

Nonetheless, this is what it looks like to have your fredoms taken away; now we know what other people feel like in other countries.

This is free America; the home of the free because of the brave.

At least that is what it used to be. Everyone was free to act,, to talk, to blaspheme, to rancor, to whine and also to worship, to delegate, to administer, to assemble… what a country. I love America, still do in spite of the humans that will eventually try and shut it down.

My point: there was an old metaphor we here in America used to use for those who try and ignore whenever there was a change that was not welcomed. It was said to those who tried to ignore it: “like an ostrich you puts its head in the sand.” 

The phrase speaks to cowardice:  (https://www.mcgill.ca/oss/article/did-you-know/ostriches-do-not-really-stick-their-heads-sand).  Or rather, those who do not deal with an issue, a problem, a challenge; rather, they ignore, distract themselves from, dismiss, discharge and simply not confront the issue of the thing that is causing the cowardice, the fear, the way in which humans do whenever they are free for a long time, then become harnessed. Think of the Jews in Nazi Germany. It started with “the ostrich who put its head in the sand.”

I’m not trying to scare anyone. All I’m doing right now, is to tell everyone to keep abreast of this Coronavirus thing in the media and in any other way in which you might have access. Distringuish between rules of conduct for the virus and how it is or is not logical or reasonable. Don’t be crazy, I see a lot of that right now too. But be vigilant, circumspect; civil, questioning, researching and discovering every aspect of the conventional rules being set down–without acting like the fool hyena that dramatizes and harangues at every little move every person makes. That is all I am saying. And now, back to our regular programming…

On to the Writing business…